Each day I wake up wondering how I am going to make it through the day. And at night I wonder if it’s my last. The pain is excruciating and the guilt of what I’m putting my family through is overwhelming. But I continue to fight on. Trusting that this too will pass. I find myself reading Psalms 71 over and over again, for in my lifetime Yahuah my Elohim has proven to be my doctor when I am weak. I give my all over to Yahuah and ask for healing from this debilitating disease and ask that he guides those that I entrust for medical care.
I have to see a neurosurgeon in July about scheduling surgical procedures on both my C-spine and my L-spine. Both areas are affecting my nerves and spinal cord. Scared? Yes I am, because of the possibilities of paralysis. Right now I am truly dependent on my family support for what many might take for granted; and also a walker to get around. I am looking into acquiring help for my entrance to be made handicap accessible.
As always I ask for prayers and I will continue to pray for you.
Peace and blessings to you always and forever more,
#MarilynsFightForLifeKICKSarcoidosisCampaign #Fighting4ACure #LivingWithChronicPain #LivingWithAnInvisibleIllness #SARCOIDOSISAWARENESS #SarcoidosisWarrior #RareDisease #SupportSarcoidosisResearch #ASongForLife #FoundationforSarcoidosisResearch #FIBROMYALGIA
My feelings are that, just so so. I ask myself, have I done all I can do? Things have not went as planned. I believe I have lost faith in the people of my state of Delaware. No matter how much I advocate for Sarcoidosis and its affects on its patient’s that battle it everyday, no one seems to care more than me. I guess because I am literally fighting for my life. Each year my body gets weaker and weaker as more areas of my body are attacked. Especially this year. So I ask people to help with the various tasks to get the word out and to get people registered for the 5k event this weekend coming. My count is menial. I receive updates daily from FSR and they never change. I have invited our States dignitaries and also my medical teams. Invites sent in every means available. No responses except from one, Senator John Carpenter. His team told me that he couldn’t make the event but he would make time for me as soon as everything settled down in D.C. I appreciated that. At least he took the time to reach out. Usually I received a proclamation by this time. None… I am so disappointed in my State. They turn out for cancer all the time. They just had a huge event for autism. I applaud both of those turn outs, but okay my cause matters as well and it is affecting hundreds of people of all ages and nationalities here in this State. We need support. Sarcoidosis is a rare disease that is unknown, incurable, debilitating, underfunded and sometimes deadly. So am I wrong for losing faith? Having invested monies that I don’t truly have to get the word out so that we Sarkies can get help raising awareness and hopefully acquiring donations towards finding a cure; disappointment and hurt is what I feel. Like no one cares if I lived or died.
I really hate Sarcoidosis! This dis-ease has taken through many trials and tribulations over the last sixteen years. From being diagnosed in my lungs via a bronchioscopy and being scared to death each time I visited the doctor’s office thereafter. Every doctor asked if I was told how long I was told I was going to live to “you bet you should’ve never smoked.” The thing is, I never did. Next while participating in a clinical trial for a drug call Remicade back in 2001 at the University of Pennsylvania Hospital; Sarcoidosis attacked my sinuses. This resulted in three sinus surgeries and the loss of two of my senses; taste and smell. Later it has attacked my blood, bones, skin and eyes in no chronological order. Now, after an 11 day stint in the hospital after being admitted with congested heart failure and pneumonia, my blood pressures are hard to regulate. Went in with the first reading of 200/115. Scary as you know what. I was also told the my potassium and magnesium levels were dangerously depleted and I had to be admitted if I didn’t want to die. My family took it very hard and stayed with me after being admitted until 3 a.m. We cried, prayed and strategized because that’s what we do. I absolutely love my husband and children. So now what’s being said is that they believe that the Sarcoidosis is attacking my heart which is causing the irregularities in my blood pressures. I am on so many different meds for my blood pressure. One in particular, Hydralazine, causes severe headaches sometimes after I take it. So this brings me back to the title, after the scare of congested heart failure I am fighting for my life with a vengeance now. I want to live a long healthy life. My goal is to eventually get off of these meds and find a way to build my lungs back up to wean off of the continuous Oxygen. So all I ask is for prayers for a healthy recovery please.
As always, peace and blessings to you all. Until next time be healthy, happy and please support Sarcoidosis Awareness by donating via http://stopsarcoidosis.org.