Each day I wake up wondering how I am going to make it through the day. And at night I wonder if it’s my last. The pain is excruciating and the guilt of what I’m putting my family through is overwhelming. But I continue to fight on. Trusting that this too will pass. I find myself reading Psalms 71 over and over again, for in my lifetime Yahuah my Elohim has proven to be my doctor when I am weak. I give my all over to Yahuah and ask for healing from this debilitating disease and ask that he guides those that I entrust for medical care.
I have to see a neurosurgeon in July about scheduling surgical procedures on both my C-spine and my L-spine. Both areas are affecting my nerves and spinal cord. Scared? Yes I am, because of the possibilities of paralysis. Right now I am truly dependent on my family support for what many might take for granted; and also a walker to get around. I am looking into acquiring help for my entrance to be made handicap accessible.
As always I ask for prayers and I will continue to pray for you.
Peace and blessings to you always and forever more,
#MarilynsFightForLifeKICKSarcoidosisCampaign #Fighting4ACure #LivingWithChronicPain #LivingWithAnInvisibleIllness #SARCOIDOSISAWARENESS #SarcoidosisWarrior #RareDisease #SupportSarcoidosisResearch #ASongForLife #FoundationforSarcoidosisResearch #FIBROMYALGIA
The Might: Dealing With Anxiety and Depression by Stephanie Roberts
I have to admit that I sometimes share the exact emotions as the author Stephanie Roberts has shared in her article post on The Mighty.
I try to remain a positive person and know that God has me, but sometimes your mind begins to wonder and those what ifs come into existence. I thank God everyday for my family stepping up to the plate as my caretakers. It is an overwhelming tasks. Just like this author expresses about all of the specialists visits and the times when I thought that I could prepare dinner only to have them wondering what they were going to eat later. Many days and nights I lock myself in the bathroom and cry because I don’t want them to worry as much, but they do because I can’t hide anything from them. They know about my mannerisms when I try to mask the pain. They know… I feel so sad for my husband because in spite of his own very painful leg due to an injury and his own medical condition, he still helps me with my everyday situations. I love him to death. My baby girl Kimora-Lynn has never seen me a day or night without pain. I was diagnosed right after she was born almost 18 yrs. ago. She doesn’t express her emotions to anyone. If she does then it is like an explosion all at once. She holds everything in. Not good. I know. My two older children express their emotions through music. They are very talented lyricist, vocalist’s, producers and most importantly, multi-instrumentalist like their father. I am proud of them but they wear their emotions on their sleeve which can be dangerous. My son once argued with one of my old doctors because the doctor made a derogatory comment about my weight. I was on 60 mg of prednisone at the time. That was my last visit with that doctor. These are the things one deals with when you have both a very rare disease that is not known to almost all medical and human knowledge, it is more than most misdiagnosed, under funded federally and under researched. Most of the time I have to educate those who I go to for care about the symptoms and problems caused by Sarcoidosis, Rheumatoid Arthritis and Fibromyalgia.
So this month is Sarcoidosis Awareness Month and I am advocating it to the fullest whenever I can. My hopes is that I can obtain at least a $500 donation goal towards a cure. Either through participation in my upcoming Team K.I.S.S. DE 5k 2017 Run/Walk for a cure or my Marilyn’s Fight for Life KICK Sarcoidosis Campaign’s fundraising page via the Foundation of Sarcoidosis Research. All monies go to funding for research and it’s tax deductible. I like to thank all those who have registered so far and also those who have hopes to register or just contribute. Thank you from the bottom of my heart.
So in conclusion I say to all of my Warrior’s, cry, blog, express any way you can about your emotions and what you are feeling truly and hopefully you will feel better in the long run.
My muscles are weakening and twitching all the time. I have been dropping things constantly. My muscles feel like they are in a sleep state. That feeling you get when your leg falls asleep after being in a certain position for a long time. That annoying ache that you can’t wait to subside so you can move on. Well that’s not happening. From my neck down, all the muscles are in that sleep state. I feel like crying all the time. When I walk my legs buckle from up under me causing me to fall all the time. I use a walker as it is because of two recent Lacunar strokes. I fear this Sarcoidosis has finally won after 17 1/2 years. HELP!!! Anyone else suffer with this? I made an appointment with my neurologist in two weeks. It’s just lasting to that appointment. HELP!!!
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