What else do I need to do?


My feelings are that, just so so. I ask myself, have I done all I can do?  Things have not went as planned. I believe I have lost faith in the people of my state of Delaware. No matter how much I advocate for Sarcoidosis and its affects on its patient’s that battle it everyday, no one seems to care more than me. I guess because I am literally fighting for my life. Each year my body gets weaker and weaker as more areas of my body are attacked. Especially this year. So I ask people to help with the various tasks to get the word out and to get people registered for the 5k event this weekend coming. My count is menial. I receive updates daily from FSR and they never change. I have invited our States dignitaries and also my medical teams. Invites sent in every means available. No responses except from one, Senator John Carpenter. His team told me that he couldn’t make the event but he would make time for me as soon as everything settled down in D.C.  I appreciated that. At least he took the time to reach out. Usually I received a proclamation by this time. None… I am so disappointed in my State. They turn out for cancer all the time. They just had a huge event for autism. I applaud both of those turn outs, but okay my cause matters as well and it is affecting hundreds of people of all ages and nationalities here in this State. We need support. Sarcoidosis is a rare disease that is unknown, incurable, debilitating, underfunded and sometimes deadly.  So am I wrong for losing faith? Having invested monies that I don’t truly have to get the word out so that we Sarkies can get help raising awareness and hopefully acquiring donations towards finding a cure; disappointment and hurt is what I feel. Like no one cares if I lived or died. 

TEAM K.I.S.S. DE 5K RUN/WALK 2017

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Register here for FSRs TEAM K.I.S.S. DE 5K Run/Walk

TEAM K.I.S.S. -DE 5K RUN/WALK

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This explains me to a “T”

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I Smile Through My Pain??!!

I am getting sick and tired of smiling through my damn pain. I am really upset right now at whomever came up with that concept. WTF!!! When you are Fake, do not get upset if you do not receive the understanding and compassion that you desire. There is a saying that a lie begets a lie begets a lie. Meaning that the lie you tell keeps on building up the more you tell it and sooner or later that lie is gonna bite you in the ass.

What I am feeling right now is very lonely. Why? Because in the mist of all of my confusion of trying not to let on how much pain I am in, so as not to worry my family, a misunderstand intrudes. Just a simple conversation seems to always makes me feel like anything that I say will be the wrong thing. What I mean is that because of this stupid debilitating disease I am by myself 97% of the time, not discounting my two dogs as my only company. No one calls from my family except for one niece and my immediate family is so busy working and going to school that they barely have time for me. So at that one chance moment that we do come together as a family, it’s like whatever I say is the wrong thing. Don’t get me wrong. I know my family loves me, but I don’t think they get how lonely I have been for almost 18 yrs. There is no date nights for my husband and myself because we are barely getting by financially. Sometimes we go without food or I can not afford my very needed medication to live. I have been hospitalized three times in the last five months because of this. What does that say to you? The first was for pneumonia and congestive heart failure. That stay was for 2 1/2 weeks. The next was for the onset of a GI Virus in which I was the only one in the family to be affected. Whilst there I suddenly lost all feeling and mobility on my right side. I was diagnosed, after an MRI of my brain, with a Lucanar stroke. My stay this time was for 1 week and was discharged with PT and a home nurse. While undergoing PT in my 3rd week my BP spiked to 200/150 and where I had gained my mobility by 50%, I had another stroke. Another week in the hospital, but this time I was discharged with PT/OT and a home nurse. They also provided me with a social worker who helped me obtain my monthly meds.

So getting back to my earlier point, I am the number one advocate for positivity with other Warrior’s and I truly try to remain positive myself, but answer me this: How can you maintain positivity within yourself when you lack understanding about how you can be happy by yourself?

Peace & blessings to everyone who takes the time to read this,

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P.S.: please check out my FB page to get information on the upcoming Sarcoidosis Awareness Month events. http://facebook.com/marilynsfightforlife

 

 

After The Scare

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I really hate Sarcoidosis! This dis-ease has taken through many trials and tribulations over the last sixteen years. From being diagnosed in my lungs via a bronchioscopy and being scared to death each time I visited the doctor’s office thereafter. Every doctor asked if I was told how long I was told I was going to live to “you bet you should’ve never smoked.” The thing is, I never did. Next while participating in a clinical trial for a drug call Remicade back in 2001 at the University of Pennsylvania Hospital; Sarcoidosis attacked my sinuses. This resulted in three sinus surgeries and the loss of two of my senses; taste and smell. Later it has attacked my blood, bones, skin and eyes in no chronological order. Now, after an 11 day stint in the hospital after being admitted with congested heart failure and pneumonia, my blood pressures are hard to regulate. Went in with the first reading of 200/115. Scary as you know what. I was also told the my potassium and magnesium levels were dangerously depleted and I had to be admitted if I didn’t want to die. My family took it very hard and stayed with me after being admitted until 3 a.m. We cried, prayed and strategized because that’s what we do. I absolutely love my husband and children. So now what’s being said is that they believe that the Sarcoidosis is attacking my heart which is causing the irregularities in my blood pressures. I am on so many different meds for my blood pressure. One in particular, Hydralazine, causes severe headaches sometimes after I take it. So this brings me back to the title, after the scare of congested heart failure I am fighting for my life with a vengeance now. I want to live a long healthy life. My goal is to eventually get off of these meds and find a way to build my lungs back up to wean off of the continuous Oxygen. So all I ask is for prayers for a healthy recovery please.

As always, peace and blessings to you all. Until next time be healthy, happy and please support Sarcoidosis Awareness by donating via http://stopsarcoidosis.org.

We must stop Paul Ryan’s plan to end Obamacare

Please take a minutFB_20160228_15_43_29_Saved_Picturee out of your day and call your State Senators and Congressman/Congresswomen to vote against Paul Ryan. We cannot go back to less than optimal care for our chronic illnesses. http://mobile.reuters.com/article/idUSKCN0XP00C