Hurting Heart

When one realizes what loneliness is, it’s difficult to process. With this pandemic happening and not knowing when it will end, I know many are feeling like the walls are closing in on you. You are not alone. There are many who are feeling the same way.

Lately I have realized, sorrowfully, how my late mother felt, Yahuah rest her soul. My mother would get up every day and make her cup of coffee, turn on Mrs, Fletcher or Law and Order and do her cryptogram puzzles unto she retired to bed. She would do this repeatedly until the day she died. I tried earnestly to call her twice a day to help fill that void of loneliness, but my sweet dear and loving mother had an emptiness in her spirit that was so hard to fill. See she was an only child who went on to marry her first love and had nine children, but sadly buried five as well as her husband of fifty plus years and her mother. That kind of loss leaves a person empty. She longed for and called out to my father on her death bed. I miss her so much. I am grateful that I was her child. I miss her sooo much it hurts.

Now it seems as if I have become my mother. Repetitively waking up every morning to a cup of tea, playing sudoku and watching Korean dramas or HGTV. Feeling lonely even though there are others in the home. Wanting to laugh and smile, dance or even take a walk, but feeling a sense of sadness at the same time because my health prevents me from doing them. #SarcoidosisSucks Missing the times when my family would have get together’s at someone’s home. When my sister’s and our brother and their children could spend time together. We were a very tight family. Now that the foundation have went on to glory, we haven’t had the urge to meet up.

I hope that everyone will know that this pandemic will end. Maybe not right now, nor in the near future, but it will end. Until that time, please remain vigilant and continue to remain quarantined to protect yourself and those you love from COVid19. Practice safe distancing and don’t rush normalcy just yet. We must think of the longevity of mankind and not worship money. TMH will provide.

Until then, peace and blessings to you and your family.

Marilyn

#Sarcoidosis #Fighting4ACure #LivingWithAnInvisibleIllness #LivingWithChronicPain