Behind every great man is a great woman, or so the saying goes.
Let’s flip that on its head a little. Behind this chronically ill wife is an amazing husband. A husband who has become a full-time carer. A husband who has gone beyond the call of duty. A husband who has become my legs, my cleaner, my cook, my shopper, my gardener, my driver, my nurse.
A husband who holds my hand when I’m writhing in pain. A husband who heats wheat packs in the middle of the night or makes me a cup of tea in the early hours of the morning, when sleep is completely disturbed by pain.
My husband is nothing short of amazing and I don’t know how, I don’t even want to think about how, my life would be without him by my side.
We share this chronic illness journey, warts and all. He knows me better than anyone else. He can tell when I’m exhausted even before I can. He never complains at this life that has been landed in his lap. He never gets annoyed at me for my limitations. If anything he gets annoyed at me when I try to do things beyond my limitations. That’s when I frustrate him.
It’s a frustration born out of love though. It’s because he knows how much pain I will endure for stretching my limits. He speaks to me of hating what my body is doing to me and how he feels so helpless. That breaks my heart to hear him say that.
Somehow we have managed to create a world of our own that works for us. While it is an extremely limited life, it is also a full and an ever-expanding life. Most of it is spent in the four walls of our home but we are together and we create our own adventures on a daily basis. We laugh and cry together, we read together, we watch our favorite TV shows, we sit in our garden and chat as if on a beautiful date. We share the jobs around the house and keep our environment a place where we want to be.
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We also have our alone time during the day. I have my online support forum and writing commitments and my husband always has a project on the go that he potters with in his “man cave.” Although we usually only spend two or three hours apart each day that time is precious and important, particularly for a carer.
I was recently asked to write on the topic of “Partners – Where would we be without our partners?”
I have a very simple answer to that question. Lost, lonely and in a permanent residential care facility.
Thank you, sweetheart, for all you do, your devotion, care, acceptance of our situation and your unfailing love.
Words really can’t express my love for you but I hope this article will always remind you that I think you are amazing and I love you so much.
Follow Sam’s story at My Medical Musings.
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