Feeling melancholy…

Lately I have been missing my sisters a lot. Crying uncontrollably until I have to use my inhaler to breathe.  My daughter’s try to calm me down, but they know that their aunties meant a lot to me.

Missing my ability to pick up the phone to call my sister’s Leah, Zipporah and Dinah so much that my heart hurts. People don’t understand that Dinah and I were each others support system while facing life with a debilitating illnesses.

Although I miss them all dearly, I miss them for different reasons. My sister Leah was like my second mother. She kept all of us in check. Leah was there whenever, wherever you needed her. I remember her visits to my homes both in New Jersey and here in Delaware. We always had so much fun. When I was diagnosed with Sarcoidosis, I believe she took it the hardest. She is responsible for me meeting my husband and she reminded me of that event all the time. She adopted a lot of my husbands peers as little brothers and would provide them with a home cooked meal at least once a week. For them, she along with my parents, meant the world.  They would drive up from South Jersey or wherever they were to visit my mom and Leah.  Leah, Dinah and Zipporah were all creative and could build or fix whatever they set their hands. Zipporah was our beauty queen, just like her daughter’s are today.  She left us first in 1993.  That took a toll on my whole family.  Most of all, that is when I noticed changes in my health.  I started school to become an R.N. after her passing because I wanted the knowledge and ability to make sure that nobody left us like that again.  My funniest memory of her was during the birth of her daughter Kamiah.  Zipporah made sure that her hair was in place, her makeup was intact and the birthing process was Oscar worthy. ^~^ Now Dinah was our go to sister. Wise beyond her years in life lessons, music and education. She was the one responsible for all of our childrens understanding about the importance of getting a great education. Dinah was their first teacher even without earning a degree herself. I give her all the credit for my son KJ being able to speak, read and write before he turned three. He was accepted to a mentally gifted school at the age of three to start kindergarten at four. KJ surprised the top educators in New Jersey by being able to read at a fifth grade level at three.  She is also one of his role models for his vast knowledge of music. Dinah was also our comedian. We always said that she missed her calling.  She could do impersonations and do card tricks.  She kept us laughing til we were in tears. Can you see why I miss them?

Now I feel lonely because they are gone. There are days I forget and pick up the phone to call them only to remember that they aren’t here anymore. My sister’s Tammie and Judy, and my brother Joel are my hearts and they are all I have now.  Karl Sr., KJ, Ka’miko, Kimora-Lynn and Hadar, don’t think I discount your love.  Please God, I pray for their continued life, health and strength. I can’t lose anybody else.